Should a Christian Woman Ask Out a Man? Maybe. But Read This First.

There's no doubt that Valentine’s Day is a dubious, fabricated holiday, which stores exploit to empty people's wallets in the name of love. The holiday is so stupid that Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Malaysia, and other countries have banned it. (It's more because they are Muslim countries, but even if they weren't, I bet they still ban it.)

Whether you gag or glean on February 14th, it’s a poignant, two-inch-from-your-face reminder for many women that they are, indeed, unattached. Many wonderful single ladies are tired of being anchored in singleness and are waiting for their ship to come in. They want to find their husband. They are ready to act, but feel trepidation about making the first move.

Thousands of men and women read my first article on the topic: Can a Christian Woman Make the First Move? When I shared it with an online singles group, their page lit up like Clark Griswold's house at Christmas. There was so much uproar and debate that the moderators deleted my post. Talk about censorship—it was my first time being canceled, but sadly, I was awarded no ribbon or trophy.

Now, I’m upping the ante. In the first article, I made the case that it’s totally OK for women to initiate, but now we will discuss whether a woman should directly ask a guy out. It's a small but gigantic difference. I'm referring to the bold, carte blanche, no-qualms-about-it, phone call, text, or in-person appeal to a man to see if he wants to go on a date.

For example, she could text and say, “Hi Joe. This is Jenny. I like you. Do you want to go on a date with me? Or, "Hi, Gary. Do you see a future for us? Want to go out?” It's laconic but clear.

Should she go all-in or not?

I know, it's 2026, and maybe many of you are way past this and think, What's the big deal? Of course, a woman can ask a guy out. In many Christian circles, however, it's still considered a social faux pas.

A Woman is a Treasure to be Found

In Genesis 3, Adam names all of the animals, but the text says that "no suitable helper was found." I bet he thought, God, did you forget about me? It reminds me of Chris Pratt’s character in the sci-fi movie Passengers. He is the only awake passenger on an interstellar spaceship for over a year after his cryogenic pod malfunctions. Overcome by loneliness, he finally wakes another passenger, played by Jennifer Lawrence, to be his companion.

The Lord says in the Book of Genesis, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him" (2:18). My premise is that, most of the time, to get to marriage, it's a man's job to initiate contact with a woman. Proverbs 18:22 states, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD" (Proverbs 18:22). Indeed, a wife ordained by God is a priceless jewel for any man. The parallel passage is 8:35: “For one who finds me finds life, and obtains favor from the LORD.”

Most of the time, God intended marriage to result from a man pursuing a relationship with a woman. Some might argue that these Bible stories are out of date, misogynist, or draconian. But I don’t see it that way. History shows, movies show, and traditions show that man seeks her and she responds. Then they date. He asks her to marry him. They get engaged and marry. (Never mind that Jennifer Lawrence's character almost kills Christ Pratt's character in Passengers after he wakes her up from hibernation. But all is well that ends well, right?)

Yet there are exceptions to this process. I'm careful not to make moral absolutes about topics in the Bible that aren't carved in stone.

I’ve actually met several Christian couples who were married after the woman asked out her now-husband. One guy I met was shy and needed romantic cajoling. He admitted, “I would have never asked her out. I’m glad she asked me.” After having a child and sharing many happy memories together, they still have a healthy marriage today.

Spry Guys Won't Need a Woman's Help

If you're one of these women who are tired of waiting and want to be direct with a guy, go for it. You might be successful. But I also believe you should think twice about it, or even three times. As much as I think you are free to get straight to the point and ask for a date, it mostly doesn't work. I've seen firsthand women crash and burn many times when they've tried it.

Women, my gut statistic tells me you have a 93.6% chance that the kind of solid Christian man you’re looking for won’t hold back in asking you on a date. He will approach you. Spry, sharp, emotionally adept, and spiritually attuned men won’t need your help; he’ll ask you out himself.

Let me be blunt: If you like a guy and know he's a mature Christian, but he's not making a move, he's probably not interested. If you still think he needs a nudge—or you simply need to get this man out of your heart and mind—then take the risk and have an honest heart-to-heart conversation.

If a woman asks a man out, she should be prepared for any response. Some guys will be shocked but flattered. Others will stare at her like a deer in the headlights and stammer their way through an answer. Others may clam up entirely or never respond. Every man is different.

On a sobering note, I recently heard of a couple who married after the woman flat-out pursued the guy and initiated the relationship. They reversed the traditional courting process and later felt there was a "hole" in their marriage. A woman's heart is a beautiful, magnificent, priceless gift. In my view, it's something to be discovered, not casually laid at a man's feet.

Conclusion - Should a Christian Woman Go for It?

The Lord likes to ad-lib in ways we don't always understand. Asking a man out doesn't make a woman unfeminine, brash, or improper. We all want to be loved, and I empathize with women who are tired of waiting.

At the same time, biblical stories such as Ruth and Boaz, Tamar and Judah, and Abigail and David are descriptive because of their unusualness, not prescriptive for everyone. If a woman pushes too hard, she may ultimately end up with a passive man who lacks the courage to fight for the relationship when it gets difficult.

My advice? Let the man ask, "Would you like to go on a date?" That's the kind of courage most women are hoping to find anyway.

If a woman wants to take action, I'd suggest sharing her feelings to discover where he stands. If he doesn't reciprocate, she has her answer and can move on.

Women of God: Be bold—but let the man carry the heavier share of the risk.

What Do You Think?

Ladies, have you ever asked a guy out? If so, how did it go?

Men, has a woman ever asked you out? How do you feel about it?

Make a comment below! And watch the video.

^[1] Mathews, K. A. (1996). Genesis 1-11:26 (Vol. 1A, p. 223). Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers.

^[2] Pettus, D. D. (2016). Tamar, Daughter-in-Law of Judah. In J. D. Barry, D. Bomar, D. R. Brown, R. Klippenstein, D. Mangum, C. Sinclair Wolcott, … W. Widder (Eds.), The Lexham Bible Dictionary. Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press.

^[3] Block, D. I. (1999). Judges, Ruth (Vol. 6, p. 686). Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers.